I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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