First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
