just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
