I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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