could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
