I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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