so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We had to coat check the pizza.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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