omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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