Cold hands, warm shart.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
