i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
