and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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