I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
