stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
