You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
