if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
