The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
