are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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