i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
