im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I need a beard to bite.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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