now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
