Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
