We named our party play list daddy issues
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
