theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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