I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
