Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Omg I joined a choir last night...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
