Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
