Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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