I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize