Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
