I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
