worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
