Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize