So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
