We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
