theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
