I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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