hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
