Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
