I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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