let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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