there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize