I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
