The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
