I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
