Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
