i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
