Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am midnight drunk by noon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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