Even the bartender felt bad for me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
