I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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