Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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