I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
