i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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