i jhust puked up my retainher.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
