Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
