Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
