Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So. Much. Porn.
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