i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
