I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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