Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
