I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
