Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize