Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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