so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My feet surprised me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
