so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
