you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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