So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
