you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
