If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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