batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize