she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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