hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
