There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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