I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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