He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
