I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
