I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
