White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
