I can text with my tongue
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
