I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
