She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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