Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
