You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize