they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
