Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
