Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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