this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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