I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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