Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
MIDGETS
????
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
